She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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