Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
