Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
