why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
