If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
