Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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