I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
