You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
