Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
