Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
