Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
