He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
