Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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