i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
