Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
