I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
