hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
