I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
