I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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