Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
