i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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