just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Operation Purity has been aborted
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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