Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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