I molested 6 butterflies tonight
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
