I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
