just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
