I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
