You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
