Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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