when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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