Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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