i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm getting married
To pizza
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
