all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
