Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

Fav 22 3395 1034
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

Fav 36 17422 1385
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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

Fav 41 2369 5078
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

Fav 12 1400 3594
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country

Fav 8 5422 1272
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(541): View more from Oregon

Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.

Fav 1 607 381
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(613): View more from Ontario

How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...

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