Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
