i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
