Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nicole vs. Life
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
