I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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