she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
