i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
