Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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