$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
