apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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