brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
