She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
