That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
