is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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