Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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