I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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