im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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