You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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