I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
