she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This toilet bowl is my home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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