True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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