3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Jerry, you need to find god
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
