Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
