We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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