The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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