i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He passed out mid-signature
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
