I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
