i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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