Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
